My Blog

Hello,

I write to you out of ennui from waiting for a client to see me for a meeting.  I just had the sudden urge to write you and tell you how I truly feel for you.

I loved you before and I love you still.  It pains me knowing that you do not feel the same way for me anymore.  How I miss your laughter, your sense of humor, the way you’d tease me about my game of tongits, the way you drive, your text messages that depict love and longing.  How I wish I could just close my eyes and travel back in time for me to experience again the kind of love that you had for me once.  I thought that the love you had for me was real but now I believe that I was just a novelty to you, a challenge, just like the sports that you play oh so well.

But despite everything, I still love you and I will continue loving you.  I have always hoped that one day, you’d realize that my love for you is too strong to just throw away.  That’s the only thing I can do at this point in my life - hope.  Hope that one day, you’d come back with true love for me in your heart and in your mind.  For the meantime, I will just have to be contented with being with you in my dreams.

This letter can never be sent as I know that things are different now.  I will keep all the letters that I have written for you, in the hopes that you’d be able to read it someday, when we’re together at last or at least until I find the right person to love me for who I am and for what I can offer.

I know that you are having a grand time at work and in life and I am no longer a part of that life.  I wish I could say that I am happy for you but how can I when I feel dead knowing that you are basking or will be basking in the arms of someone else.  Soon, I know, I can let go of the feeling without the bitterness but please allow me to grieve for a while.   I can never go back to the place I once considered my 2nd home because I know that the memories we left there are just too painful to bear. 

I will be praying for you always, and when Fate gets to bring us back together again, I know I’d be able to smile because I know at one point in my life, you were a part of it.

Be well.  I love you.

This line from Batman Begins really struck a chord.  I was so engrossed with the special effects of the movie that when this line was mentioned, I just had to stop and ponder on what it really means.

I have been in existence for more than 30 years and I still have not found who I really am, ergo, I feel that I have not done anything significant to impact the lives of the people I truly care for. After my accident 10 years ago, I thought that I would be able to search for the real me after years of immobilization.  Man, I was wrong.  Mas magulo pala pag lumabas ka and adds more to the confusion of who I really am.  Hopefully, in 10 years, I would be able to really see my true worth in this world and when this time comes, I have  already made the difference.  Who knows?  I could uplift the lives (and not to mention, the egos) of those who need it.  Just like Batman who chose to live in oblivion while doing what he can do to fight crime in the dark city of Gotham.

It’s not who you are…it’s what you do that defines you….