My Blog

What a week this turned out to be!  I feel like I have just been taken for a ride and I am just sooooo glad it’s over.  I have been venting out my anger and frustration in the gym and in the courts that after a while, the exhaustion has made me feel numb from all the thoughts that have been running in my mind lately.

So what’s next for me?  I don’t really know.  But one thing is for sure.  I refuse to let my frustration bring me down.  Life surely must go on.  There is always work to go to in the morning, friends to see and new people to meet.  I refuse to sit and cry. I will not give in to depression as I am surrounded by people who I know care for me and will never leave me. 

I am slowly going back to where I started.  It really isn’t so bad, actually.  After all, I have gone thru a lot these past three years.  People say that you have to go thru three different phases before you move forward - rejection, denial, acceptance.  Lucky me, I did not have to go thru denial.  I have accepted that life does not always go as you planned.  And the recent event in my life is further proof to that.  I did not plan on falling in love, it just happened.  I did not plan on falling for the wrong person, I just did.  I did not plan on getting hurt, it was just the way it should be.  And I did not plan on going back to square one, but I know I should.

Going back to square one does not mean I will have to search again for true love.  Going back means getting in touch with my human side, being with the people who truly matter and living the life that I have always wanted.  Pain should not bring me down, instead it should lift my spirits high knowing that I have survived thru it and have lived to even talk about it.  There are still other beautiful people out there waiting for my acquaintance and I should not disappoint them, should I? :)  Life is always a matter of choice.  And I choose to be happy now that I know I am free.

One day, I will look back and read this blog and say to myself how foolish I was to even give in to the hurt.  But if that day comes, I have already moved a step further and I have known what happiness really is.